2:13 AM
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Friday, February 27, 2009
i just feel... crappy
perhaps it's cos it's near the release of results the perpetual war in the house the lack of money the sucky work or the loss
or everything
perhaps i really should hope for a bad results... den i can drop my work
so much that i've nv seen, or rather turned a blind eye to, is biting me back now... 1st this, den that, den perhaps more
living in denial, telling myself things will only get better... nothing seems to be working enough... go to slp feeling happy most days, only to wake the next morning trying to make myself happy again
and the big world outside is so fake... and i'm willing to be cheated for that little amount of money... putting on a mask to entertain a mask
craps and lies
kids are much simpler... they are not scheming
and it was nv the case... my insecurities was right, all along... only, it will nv be understood and shared... and i hate knowing i had became the girl i was
getting quite sick of being the spare tyre... not like i really love doing what i need to wait for
i just miss... the times when i can live without such memories, the times when i laugh till i almost roll on the floor, the times when things were simple... the sec sch days, the post o lvls holidays, the outings, the camps...
life... i've wasted it, not making full use of it
should be happy
shall update abt kbox the next time... should look forward to the bbq tml =D
1:45 AM
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Wednesday, February 25, 2009
back...
was feeling crappy, but better now
ytd went bedok for tutoring again-_- met vanee and jh at amk hub aftertt for underworld! nice show, better den i tot though a bit draggy... and not as gorey as i tot! just the blood smear ACROSS(sideways) the wall only ma =s... HAHA aftertt we all sat in MAC and tried to plan our DIET... so not ironic... wanted to makan icecream lol =x... haha i realised ice cream is one temption i'll gladly give in to =x the only kind of sweet stuff i'll always enjoy =D...
this afternoon went to vanee hse with jh, watched journey to the center of the earth.... FREAKIN NICE SHOW... haha it weren't draggy at all, and managed to keep my attention for the whole movie... and only today i rmb that i had to return "get smart", which we rented and watched last thurs after our dinner... i totally forgot abt it, heng vanee returned it, a day late though... and decided to go out for dinner aftertt at lai lai kitchen... mich and ky joined us haha... though some stuff happened which made me a bit =s, but at least during the meal it was fun...
and i really think i shldn't have doubted andrew, after wat he had done for it... really sorry...
at least we sort of managed to talk it out... bbq still on =D
and tml will be just 3 of us and topone =s
--I Need a Nap--
1:57 AM
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Monday, February 23, 2009
back =D
wed went to tgps.. met yf, and saw kiatyee by coincidence... passed him the present too =D... as a teacher without any assistant was so tiring... had to go ard to make sure they are writin down the correct stuff while i teach=s... and yf was right, the class was damn naughty =s... just nice i tio the class he taught... but overall, new experience for me, LOL... and still it's a better job =s... we stayed to help ruth with the clearin, b4 goin home...
thurs went bedok-_- dinner with vanee jh n ky aftertt... fri went down to zenitant... AND GOT LOST AGAIN... =S... 2nd time ler... end up was damn late lar, almost wanted to give up, but since i travelled all the way to REDHILL for it, i just moved on =s... and den the whole thing was just some talk that lasted for only abt an hour-_- but didn't regret goin though, but after lookin at their calendar, i think i'll only go sign up for projects after 6th march (the "triple R", Rumoured Results Release date), if not in case i'm goin back to sch, den the training time will not be worth it... aftertt yf and i went to orchard to take a walk... wanted to play pool but both of us no money, and just nice that day was fri so movie was ex too =s... no choice, just window-shopped, went to a few places i nv really had time to walk into b4 =x... met vanee for dinner aftertt
today went to east coast! with my guardian's family... didn't get to bike and all, weather weren't good =s... enjoyed eatin =x... watched as hf's bf played a few rounds of cable skiing though... and bought koko out thr too! koko is a dog btw =D
recently home is gettin a bit tense... with the cold war and all =s so i'm tryin to be nice by pretendin i'm very hungry and eatin as much food as i can... those that she preped i mean... i jus hope i dun have to do this for long, or i'm seriously gonna have some probs =s
a bit addicted to peggle lol =x... wanna complete all the challenges =x
and i'm lookin forward to topone outin this wed =D
recently a little bit hooked on this song... the actually song starts after abt 2.03 mins into the vid... haha and one of the dance steps always reminds me of aaron sia-.-
looks lik chalet will have to be cancelled... hopefuly can put together a bbq =D
and there was this nite, wednesday i think, that emer and i actually chatted over the phone for lik, 5+ hours? all the way till 3+ am the next day sia =s weren't watchin the time =s haha 1st time i chat with him didn't hear him spend half the time, or rather 90% of the time, saying that he's sian haha... though at the end of it both of us got a little bit emo, but overall it was an unexpectedly high session LOL
very tempted to change blogskin, but lazy =x
and even singapore have bush fires.... the weather is sure gettin... worse
34346 985593 56865
--I Need a Nap--
12:59 AM
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Tuesday, February 17, 2009
WHEE~ my com is in a good mood today =D
sat was tiring! LOL laughed till tired... in the morn went for the NTU talk with angela cc n her friend, and i still decided that mathematical science is the course meant for me =D my course =D went amk kpool to find them aftertt, only to realised i'm actually the 1st to arrive-_- played a few games with leslie(non-jyss) and alex, haha was damn weird la, nv even talked to them b4 that =s got better after a while, since alex got try to talk LOL... den they arrived! vanee ky jh aaron(non-jj)... lik finally-_- by then actually the 3 of us played till a bit sian ler-_-... so after a few games, leslie went for his date and the rest of us decided to go to amk lib to find kiatyee junqiang yiyang... waited for them a bit to have dinner tgt with ky n yy, and somehow after the dinner, we decided to have pool again-_-... lol and it was actually alex who suggested it-_-... "ran" 2.4 km, and den jh ky yy started to sing their "siao char bo" to some song-_-... LOL laughed till we all was so damn tired on our way back sia... and they were lik tellin me i have not seen their really true colours yet-_-
sun tutored in the mornin, and my 2nd tuition assignment got cancelled... joined vanee claud mich in lib while waiting for the outin, makan prata! lol after a while they cnt take it le, so they went back while i scrolled for a while in jp... met pt junhao chienhan emer junjie at clementi for botak jones! haiz xueli n carine last min told me they cnt go, very tempted to cancel but no way to inform jj... luckily i didn't! haha crapped, ate, laughed... to me at least had quite a nice time with them... went pool with jh n emer aftertt, the rest had to go home... walked damn long-_- luckily thr de bus stop got 198 sia, if not i need to walk a long way back-_- HAHA junhao keep on own me and emer sia... i wore emer super big jacket also =s... play play play for abt 3 hrs! haha and we didn't even realised it was tt late ler =s lol nice sia, cheap also LOL
mon went work, vanee and guys, vivien and guys came to visit me! and heqiang waited for me to knocked off, and go makan! so at least i got humans ard me sometimes =x... today went bedok teach chem... omg chiong 3 hrs... after all my shortage of slp and all, that was simply tiring... initially was 4 hrs lor! but both of us cnt take it =s lol den went back to jp to meet grace, passed her the flower and my passion card so that she can sign up for her course... and omg i forgot her xmas card again... i can save it for this yr ler i think =s bumped into ivy, and went lib to makan prata again =x mich claud vanee was thr... stayed and chatted for quite sometime, den left
and at the rate i'm eatin, i'm gonna gain back my 5 kg in no time =s time for more exercising LOL
random: one of my fav flowers =D
oh ya something i didn't blog abt... last wed after goin to tgps, i went ks hse to bake cookies with them! haha at 1st only wanna go chap one leg a while, den end up since i was dere, kop some dough and made a few for aaron(jj), since i cnt make flowers for him ma... not bad, though certain batch a bit hard =x the cookies!
and glad that u girls like the flowers =D
and i really want more jobs so that i can work more days every week... AND I WANT CHALET!!! hopefully can find a cheap and good one for all of us! before dickee fly~ chalet without him is weird =s
MATHS ROCKS
copyrighted from ivy's blog, good article LOL her blog got bigger version, 16 Feb
The key to choosing the right partner is to look for a person with good character, not simply good personality. Character determines how he will treat himself, you and one day, your children. Character is the foundation of any healthy partnership. A relationship may be likened to a cake, where personality is the icing, and character, the substance. When you're deciding whether a person is right or wrong for you, instead of asking "Does my partner love me?" You need to ask, "How capable is my partner of loving?" If your partner has an anger problem, he is incapable of loving you. If your partner hasn't "grown up", he is incapable of loving you. We are going to study the seven qualities to look for in a partner. These qualities are the basic building blocks of good character in a person.
Quality #1: Commitment to personal growth What are some of the most common forms of problems couples face? One person wants to work on the relationship and the other doesn't. One person tries to talk about problem issues and the other refuses. One person sees areas that need improvement and the other is in denial. Commitment to personal growth means : (a) Your partner is willing to receive help and guidance. There is no way a relationship can work if one partner refuses to seek help when necessary. This quality is something you must seek out in the beginning of a relationship . Because by the time you face a crisis in your relationship, it is often too late. (b) Your partner is conscious of his blind spots and emotional handicaps. It is dangerous to become involved with someone who is oblivious to his weaknesses and problem areas. There is no worse deception than self-deception and we need to admit our faults to one another. Pride and stubbornness is the quickest way to turn a partnership into a battleground.
Quality #2 : Emotional Openness An intimate relationship is not based simply on sharing a home, a bed or a bathroom; it is based on sharing feelings. Your potential mate must have the ability to feel, know what he feels, desire to share those feelings with you, and know how to express those feelings to you. Many men and women are unhappy because they are involved in a relationship with a partner who can't express feelings. If your partner can't identify and share his feelings with you, he is not ready to be in an intimate relationship. What is the purpose of being with someone who is emotionally shut down? Staying in a relationship with a person who cannot share feelings is a form of self-punishment. Another way to describe emotional openness is "emotional generosity" - someone who is generous with his love, giving love freely without restriction. You are involved with someone who easily tells you how much he loves you, and shows how much he appreciates you. The opposite of emotional generosity is "emotional stinginess" - someone who holds back love and emotions as if they were in limited quality, offering you tiny bits and pieces of one's heart at a time. Emotionally stingy people will make you beg for love. You would have to pull their feelings out of them, they expect you to make a big deal of the tiny scrap you receive. Emotional openness is a vital treatment in a partner because it gives you access to his soul. It provides a way into his heart, without which one cannot become a soul-mate.
Quality #3 : Integrity This is the consistency of character. Your actions match your words. Your choices match your vision. Your behavior match your beliefs. For a love relationship to work, honesty and trustworthiness are essential ingredients. Knowing that you can always trust your partner gives you a tremendous sense of security. If you have to live in constant fear that your partner is somehow lying to you, it will be impossible for you to relax in the relationship. You would always be unsure, doubtful and resentful. Look for someone whose actions match his words. When your partner is consistently honest with you, you will naturally trust him.
Quality #4 : Maturity and responsibility There are people who are just aren't ready to be in a committed relationship. They may be lovable, and they may even love you very much, but if they haven't reached a certain level of maturity, you will feel you have adopted a "child" rather than a lover. How much do you know if your partner is mature enough to have a relationship? (a) He can take care of himself. If your partner has grown up sufficiently, he should be able to earn enough money to support himself, keep his bedroom relatively clean, know basic personal hygiene, etc. Our outward life is a reflection of our inward life. If the guy you are dating is messy outside, he is probably a real mess inside. If he is not grown up enough to take care of himself, what makes you think he can emotionally take care of you? (b) He is responsible. Maturity doesn't come with age; it comes with the acceptance of responsibility, doing what you say you are going to do. Your word is your bond - paying your bills on time, keeping your promises, showing up punctually, not letting people down, etc. Everybody deserves to be loved, but not everyone is ready for the responsibility that is required in an adult relationship. (c) He is respectful. One of the ways we know a child has grown up is his respect for people around him. Children have no understanding of boundaries. When they don't get what they want, they get into a temper tantrum. Men don't behave badly in public places. How do you know you are having an adult relationship? See how respectful he is of your feelings. Does he demean you publicly? How respectful is he of your boundaries, time, possessions, other people's feelings?
Quality #5 : Healthy self-esteem Your partner can only love you as much as he love himself. A person with low self-esteem loves in order to feel good about himself. A person with a healthy self-esteem loves because he feels good about himself. The healthier your partner's sense of self-esteem is, the stronger your relationship will be. (a) He doesn't abuse himself, but takes good care of himself. The more you love yourself, the harder it will be for you to abuse yourself physically or emotionally. You can always tell how someone feels about himself by observing how he treats himself, the way he takes care of his body, his clothes and his possessions. All these are reflections of self-esteem. If he mistreats himself and doesn't mind it, you can be certain that he won't mind mistreating you either! (b) He takes action in his life. A person with low self-esteem is usually a procrastinator. He avoids action because he is scared to death of failing and feeling worse about himself.
Quality #6 : Positive attitude towards life There are two kinds of people in the world: positive people or negative people. Of course, we want to be with the positive type! Yet, how many of us end up in relationships with the negative sort- always fearful, worrying, anxious, problem-focused, complaining and pessimistic about the future, not trusting easily? Love is a positive. It grows in an atmosphere that is positive and shrinks in an atmosphere that is negative. Relationships are much easier when you are with a positive person. You work through conflicts faster. There is less blame and more cooperation. Most of all, there is more love!
Quality #7 : Personal Chemistry How does one define personal chemistry? It is very hard. You either feel it, or you don't! But one thing is certain: both you and your potential life partner need to have some form of personal chemistry in order to distinguish your relationship from a friendship. A word of caution here: personal chemistry doesn't have to be instant. Gradual attraction is usually more genuine because you are not just focusing on the physical looks, but the whole person. If you never felt personal chemistry or attraction to your partner even after a reasonable period of seeing each other, don't proceed! You are unlikely to develop those feelings overtime.
wah ytd was a long tired day... HAHA like i said, arrived in school at 7+ to help with vday sales for eclub... and omg! i culdn't make it b4 the morning assembly! the whole mornin i was like, oh ya, my shoelace? my bag? and seriously didn't wanna wake at all =x
so i reached, set up the booth and all, and for the day, i'm the balloon girl! haha the tips of my fingers are losing their sense of touch after all the tying of these balloons... heng got ppl lik aaron, bingqi, yangping, yiming, anna to help me now and then... million thanks to them... though some of them burst a few balloons haha... and i didn't know he got a phobia for balloons!
saw a lot of ppl whom i didn't see for a long time, chat with those ppl i missed, made a few new friends, and got to help in making some of the bouquets... and vivien gave me a balloon flower! damn cute! and there was these guys, who were so desperate to find gifts for their ogls, they literally begged us to sell flowers to them, omg... but we culdn't cos all the flowers are ordered and thr's this guy, eugene, who bought 10 roses frm us and sold 1 to them at $2.50 for a profit of $1.50! they actually offered him lik 5 bucks for one flower! oh ya and good luck to anna =D
stayed on for jj nite! junhao and emer came to the school to join us as well... became fast friends with vien, shot me alot =s... think initially was a bit sian for them cos they didn't really join in... and mass dance! haha no guy partners, danced a bit with zhenying and ivy, most of the time just dancing my own part... and i forgot some of them ler HAHA... was tellin bernard i missed dancin with him! got slow dance too, danced with emer the seriously tall guy =s got a bit sian at the end of the 2nd song cos both of us didn't really follow and was just dancing the same step HAHA =x... but it was nice la haha... AND WE REALISED THIS YEAR DUN HAVE YI BA lol... song singing was, haha too high... i dunno whether it was good or bad... i only know dragged tilll very long... ended at lik, 11+? HAHA... they played when you say nothing at all and sometimes when we touch as well... went supper afterthat, with shiyun angela jon n junhao
HAHA and thanks vivien, for your flower balloon! =D
AND STUPID EMER AND MARCUS... keep dsiao-ing me abt my height =s
it was, nice, ytd... felt very at home, except that the ppl ard us are very diff... i miss the times when we were leaders the most HAHA... dun really feel odd and all when u just grab someone, and that person will be someone u somehow know, and dance, and get high tgt LOL... AND CHORI CHORI IS NV THE SAME WITHOUT TOMMY! haha and the juniors dun join in! we were creating this human train which kept breaking up cos ppl dun wanna run =S i miss eclub, too... valentines' day sales! this year is much quieter, cos of the camp? but other den that still ok... and miss ppl lik vien and guys, anna, jinhui, bingkun, aaron, bingqi, laixing too LOL... still very much the same HAHA... and didn't see yuansheng and zheyuan!
heard this song sometime ago on the radio, LOL damn retro but still nice haha
9:18 AM
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Friday, February 13, 2009
ok today is just a work day
glad that sales reached over 200 though =D and heqiang visited me
heard abt rihanna getting beaten by chris brown... and ppl are askin the fm to stop playin his songs... but hey, his songs are innocent! that's y it's impractical for ppl to go extremely crazy over the singers just cos they can sing... i mean, you dun know them well!
ok, i think i wun have energy tml ler... going back to jj =D... at 7+ =D
--I Need a Nap--
12:53 AM
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Thursday, February 12, 2009
hi, com =D
last thurs went to gym with grace... haha so long since we last worked out! and i actually lost 4 - 5 kg despite that and cny! ok think shld try not to eat bread the whole day even if i work... and surprisingly we saw aaron too haha... he seriously look better den in the past, more meat now=x... fri went to work as usual, waited for heqiang to knock off, den went home with him after he makan lol... sun went for some lunch gathering for some organisation made up of ppl surnamed 蔡... 蔡氏聚餐 or sth lik tt de... every cny will have haha, at boon lay restaurant... went over to ky hse aftertt, to crap and mahjong with vanee and jh HAHA... thruout very scare my dress will drop =s end up play mahjong till a bit sian cos i keep lose (didn't play money, heng =x), den played showhand! first time leh, vanee taught me n jh HAHA... think the best part was the chat in kfc lor LOL, go back ky hse suddenly all quiet =s
mon went to work, and grace came and visit me for a while haha... den i actually saw zhiwei vivien eeseng and this girl call yanting! thx to them i got some porridge for dinner instead of my usual bread diet LOL... and ppl to chat with too! if not i'll be so sian the whole day... heqiang came ltr, much to my surprise, and waited for me to knock off for quite long sia =s abt 2+ hrs lehs =s... tue went bishan for, mm i shld say the briefing lar, for the teacher's assistant job, and went gym with grace, jievee and jieyi aftertt...
today worked at teck ghee pri sch!!! haha while helpin ruth i actually catched crickets bare hands! omg i didn't know whr i got my guts frm... and the kids was good lar, so much better den i expected after wat yf told me... maybe mine was a different class though... thr's actually these few girls who try to help and all, and all those stunts they do, so cute! next week i'll get to teach, hopefully the class next week will be as nice haha... i'm actually totally comfortable with this job, and i like it alot! too bad nxt week will be the end of this project already T.T... hopefully there'll be more haha... stayed back a little to help ruth with other stuff, she very stressed sia
i think phelps is just suay... that he happens to be the public figure who kena caught... that's the thing abt being famous, everything u do, u got a whole bunch of ppl whom u dunno personally to answer to... and u have to apologise to all these people you dun even know for being a normal human who makes mistakes, if they demand it, to keep your job... i mean, with or without that, he's still the person, the normal human, who won 8 medals... go easy on him la
and omg, she's the 1st person i've ever seen who cnt hide her stress and worries from someone she barely know... her stress level is pretty high sia =s
and i realised that recently a lot tragedy that's fire-related... bombs and forest fire and fireworks =s let's be more carefully when fire's involved
nice songs (or songs so frequently played on 9.87 that they sort of grew on me): the show - lady lenka t shirt - shortelle 1,2,3,4 - plain white T's white horse - taylor swift a little too not over you - david archuleta just dance - lady gaga decode - paramore (according to weekheng, the whole world is listening to this twilight soundtrack-_-) breakeven - the script bonuce - the cab unbeautiful - lesley roy love bug - jonas brothers seventeen forever - metro station best of me - daniel powter
when work is sian, listen to the radio =D
I WANNA WATCH BRIDE WARS... the whole world is lik tellin me it's nice and i still haven watch it! ARGHS!!! and omg andrew say benjamin buttons sucks lehs =s still got anyone wanna watch? i think i still wan =s
and oh, they actually got candyman for mass dance, BUT it's a diff dance T.T nvm la, our steps are simply too impractical if we wanna get the whole hall to dance... i mean, we dun dance at the synthetic field, ppl will crash into each other, so ya...
fri going back jj with aaron! to help with valentines' day sales HAHA... and jj nite! =D
nice song, pretty emo sia, but soothing...
--I Need a Nap--
1:30 AM
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Thursday, February 05, 2009
woo back... haha thurs went mahjong with vanee and cy at ks hse!!! HAHA lost $2.10, but i'm actually the one who lost least amongst those who lost... ks lost $8.40 and cy $7! vanee the big winner LOL
i actually built this while waitin for the very very late ceyu... inside is actually mainly hollow except for a normal can of 7-up... we waited till i managed to build till the hole in the middle is close sia-_-
fri went to meet yf, waited for him and played some games before we watched the wedding game with my sis... better then expected! not as boring as i thought haha, just that the ending a bit vague... AND I WANNA WATCH NEW IN TOWN!!! =x
sat went dickee hse to gamble... lost quite a bit of $$ =s... left after a while and went to bbq with vanee ky jh and guys aftertt... AND GOT TO EAT MY BBQ MARSHMALLOWS!!! haha... as usual they nv fail to crack me up... LOL den the guys do all sorts of funny stuff lik playin with the balancin beam =s... and i had a piece of hotdog in my bag-.-... i dunno who was tt-.-... mich and dickee came over for a while to take the key also LOL... mon went back to work... and damn i broke record... the 1st day these few years with no sales at all =s quite stress leh, but wat can i do? =s
tue met up with class and went to makan some sichuan dishes... LOL saw vanee and ky at lib and chat a bit b4 that... good news leh! =x... met up with angela wk cc zf zk, atmosphere quite good, den played pool at marina sq after zf collected his $150 at oriental... LOL quite long since i last played ler!
anyway it ended... and life still goes on HAHA... lettin go frees everyone...
i realised some things very zhun one... when i told someone i wanna go their hse use their com, suddenly my com can use again... and when i wanna use the com the most the com just cnt start... somethings, i just cnt help but believe in them...
Was just reading the news (ok well, dun be too surprised, i was just too bored) abt this birthday celebration that resulted in fire and deaths and ppl gettin injured... i meant, indoor fireworks? that was rather brainless... u wanna have fun, but death shld be avoided as far as possible when it comes to lik, a birthday celebration? and i think tt applies to drink driving... yes u wanna a drink on ur birthday, but make sure u dun drive, or that might very well be ur doomsday as well... right, ur life is ur life, if u have to die u have to, but let's try to minimise the risk for the ppl ard u? it weren't their birthday celebration, they dun deserve to die with u, u know
and i miss mass dance! esp candyman! haha doubt i've ever dance that song with another guy again since so few guys actually knew the dance and rmb... i forgot a part of the guy's side also, and it's nv the same that way... and they'll nv use this dance for jj events again! since it's lik my family dance! so no reason for ppl to dance this song with me LOL... quite sad sia, + no vids taken T.T
Anyway, nice song: The Show - Lady Lenka the lyrics is... a bit emo? confused? but yet the tempo quite cheerful, so overall wun make u emo, but light-hearted in fact, somehow? LOL nvm, just enjoy the show~
轨迹，搁浅，说好的幸福呢 - 周杰伦 半情歌 - 元若蓝 后来 - 刘若英 Whatever It Takes - Lifehouse When You're Gone - Avril Lavigne
Random: PINEAPPLE TARTS. MY FAV NEW YEAR SNACK =D
got as much angbaos as expected =D damn happy haha, and this year new yr was ok! time to go back to job hunting... for more freelance and part time jobs lar HAHA....
我想我可以习惯一个人生活 我想我可以假装不曾爱过 感觉如果要走谁能说 no 我想我可以习惯一个人生活 在记忆里面擦去你的承诺 爱情是个梦而我睡过头
--I Need a Nap--
2:26 AM
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MEzzz
ying ming aka cabbage/veggie/veg/cai/cat
18
8th Oct 1990
libra
veggie-caBB bytch of bytch clan
WISHESzzz
piano!!! 3E'05 chalet mahjong no quarrels sing!!! buy all the nice books
slim down =s dance keep in contact new clothes, bags, shoes, accessories =x
tuition jobs
+It's funny why '
+thinking of those happy times with you '
+brings me tears. '
+And it's funny why '
+thinking of those times we argued '
+brings me laughters. '
