went abt reading blogs...

for some, it's a double blow... esp one seemed perfectly ok just the day b4... i guess all tt i can say now is only, please take care...

i know i shldn't be sayin anitin abt these... any emotions i express are onli mere emotions after reading others' stories... any emotions i express is just so unjust for them...

aniway, thx for the company ytd... i didn't know that both of u were holdin on to so much, until she told me abt it today... and the worse thing is, i dunno if i'm strong enough hold you... i not someone who is emotionally strong, and especially since some of your friends are also my friends...

i dunno if i had told u straight about this before, but to be honest, ur company do mean a lot... i'm nt sure how much he feels it too, bt the fact that he chose to call u b4 doin anitin funny, not anione else, may simply means he looks to u for the comfort... just company like this can really make a lot of difference to a person who is down... and ya, i guess i shld stop askin him abt anitin this period of time ler... i dun wan to trouble him either, so u can dun worry abt mi agitatin him... jus hope that he'll get better as well...

i tink sometimes i tell u alot of mean things to irritate u sumtyms, but wat i say is very extreme... afterall, they were meant to irritate u... honest, dun take them to heart... and, know that u've been a great friend, honestly... the company is enough... u cannot think for everyone, the brains belong to us, we can only think things through properly on our own... but, thanks for the company to calm us down and enable us to think properly...

and hey, though i know that i'm quite a weak person, i'm rather free most of the time too, afterall, i dun have as much commitments... anitin, just call or wat ba... please, take care 11:26 PM
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lost all my hand written notes for chem. and it's two weeks b4 prelims. luckily it's not phy de

tue, tried to get back to mugger mood, but to not much avail... studied with cck in the lib

wed, had an interesting talk about our resume... and i realise that SMU speakers are realli good... went to lib with kevin

thurs, lib again, saw yew wah, rain. wait till rain small.

fri, didn't wanna study. slacked. ch, bmc, meet supplier. anything but studying. met yf and vien they all for dinner.

sat, complex session, prize presentation, gekpoh, lost my note. within 20mins. went home, slept. drank with ks

today, tuition, met jas and yy to help them with chalet stuff, mugged.

i realli tink tt i seems to dun have much feelings animore. i dunno why.

gave myself a brainwashing session. convince myself that losing the notes wun make mi fail "A"s. but who dun feel pek chek? and all within 20 mins. realli pray that is cos the person wants to return it, that's why helped mi keep. afterall, nothing valuable inside.

practically feelin very very sian... carbohydrate food doesn't work for me. but the beer did help. felt a lot better aftertt.

nice song. one of the few songs tt, just by listenin, can make mi cry. esp the climax.

你没想像中爱我 - 石欣卉

你小心翼翼 牵我手
其实是担忧 藏不住我
自尊也投降 活在她之下
我 好傻

你字字句句说 你不爱她
那又是什么 让你害怕
我疑惑但是原谅 因为你留下
我 好傻

不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来 你没想像中那么爱我
我不懂该拿什么安慰我的难受
你的存在 让我更寂寞

你寸步不离 像天使的她
挥霍我的爱 从不放心上
我有一丝无奈 也有一些明白
该 放开

不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来 你没想像中那么爱我
我不能再从你的怀抱感觉到什么
不爱我别再说 假装爱那是撒盐在伤口

啊~~ 谁说我不在意空等候
原来 你从来都没深刻爱我
我才懂不是我不心痛
其实心是没了感受

呜~~~你没想像中爱我 12:43 AM
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sun... mac breakfast!!! haha with vanee and jiahao... vanee looks ok, except when she attempts a facial expression... haha the two of them made me laugh and laugh till i almost asthma lor =S... walk walk a bit, den they left for vanee's hse while i left for mug... very tempted to join them sia, just for the company... lol dun intend to watch their movie, cos most prob is gross one, expect so maybe cos ky's ard LOL... but no, cannot... since they not stayin for long as well... HAHA so went on to study, after takin a nap... but not bad, was quite effective, managed to finish quite a bit... den went home with justin n khaim

today... phy lect test... WOW I TELL YOU... 1ST TIME IN MY JC LIFE, I FEEL SO CONFIDENT OF PASSING A PHY TEST... though is just confident in passin, the feelin is song the lar! first time i dun have to spend half of the time tryin to come up with some logical crap... well, i did, for one of the qns, and turned out my logical crap is very correct... so, move on... aniway, had lit consultation aftertt, all of us ill-ed preped for it... well, still, learnt more about dramatising a play... DAMN COOL LAR!!! lit is damn damn cool... though it's not my A, or even C sub, but i tell you, it's realli a damn cool sub... HAHA!!! aftertt i didn't wanna get out of the sch cos of the terrible rain... stayed in sch, in attempt to study, but not successful =s... and that's y i dun study in school lol... i'm easily distracted... anyway, was helpin out ch auntie for a while, den i decided i'm not in the mood ler, den chatted with vien and gang... AND VIEN!!! I WANNA SEE HIS PHOTO!!! HAHA... hang abt, den home=slack

so today did nothing much... haiz tml must work doubly hard...

anyway, i looked back at my previous post, and decided i weren't in the right state of mind when i typed it... seems quite messed up here and there... anyway, i'm back to being normal now =D cheers =D

looking at all i've done... i tink i really messed it up... i realli realli wanted to take H3 maths when i came to JC... and the whole of last year, i slacked... i know i can make it de, with hard work and all... but ya, i slacked... but nvm... i realli realli, even if i dun do well for other subs, MUST GET "A" FOR MATHS... till now, it's pretty much the only sub which i both have a lot of interest and is doing very well in... and it realli affects my morale, when i dun do well, just lik in last week's mock... i guess i didn't realli felt it for the whole of last year, being in my slacker mood and all... but this feelin is coming back... MATHS... if i dun do well in this sub, den i realli can forget about the rest...

well, my phy has always been better den my chem, but now its the other way round... haha guess i realli slacked too much... for chem, it's realli cos my teachers were chasing after me... HAHA which is good, if not i wuldn't have improved this much... realli, big thanks to mr chua LH and miss J chew.... and lik i promised mr chua, i'll get good grades for chem! HAHA, not A, maybe, but at least C? gp and lit... my two nightmares... realli needs more hardwork for this two subs =s

i'm also longing... collapsed. 9:02 PM
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not been very productive recently... guess my maths mock is gonna be disastrous =s... at least, for me.

FIRST: THANKS KEN FOR THE SUPER WONDERFUL SONG!!! 石欣卉-我知道我变漂亮了!!!! WOOT~ THANKS!!!

ok, start with the usual commentary. wed was late. got detained. attituded him. but some councillors were affected. sorry. managed to settle pledge cards stuff. took early leave. home. rest. study. went to yf hse in attempt to finish a very difficult puzzle. DAMN. REALLY DIFFICULT.

thurs. HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO YENSZE, who is currently the SAME AGE AS ME. and she called me LAO REN. NICE ONE AR GIRL. LOL. TRY HARDER =x. skipped maths. was going through vectors. heard some idiots from s9 walked out just nice mr leow walked in. damn. nvm. continue to mug.

fri. shouted at by miss yew in the morning. reprimanded by mr leow. my diction. whole day unsettled. civis. realised we're not on our own. class tee dunno why some idiot see ler buey song. it was approved. how can you don't know the rules. if you don't even know the rules as well as i do, dun try to scold me. no use. you should punish yourself triply. losing more and more respect for you. i can no longer keep a central view about you anymore, even though i tried persuading others to. this is what happens when things gets extreme. maths mock prelims. done only 63%. well done-_-. die-_-. and if i went for that lecture, i might finished even lesser of it. I COMPLETED VECTORS. and people told me they finished the questions went through during lecture within 20 mins and spent the rest of the time doing their own things. met yf and aaron at the bus stop. had dinner with them. decided to go home early. so, no library.

sat. mugged. at lib. saw shiyun and justin. finally, a bit more focused.

all these measures, only make students more tempted to apply for unlimited study break. especially J2s. if we still go to school, it is because we are interested in the lessons. although it is only revision. we may be late, but that does not mean we are not interested. the only wrong we've done is being irresponsible and not puntual. this measure only have one result: once students realised that the school gate is closed, they just turn back immediately, since they cannot attend lessons anyway. so the rate of people being late goes down, but the absentism rate increase. maybe i don't know which is worse. all i know it, it used to be "迟到好过没到, better late then never", but now it is "没到好过迟到, better never then late". nice one. AND. what about respect for the religion? you should be a role model. YOU ARE NOT A RELIGION.

regarding the maths lecture. even though we have our reasons, which are valid when it applies to us, but still, i agree we're still in the wrong. so, i'm not saying anything else since i ranted alot at the front.

and my class tee. IT WAS APPROVED. and which part of it are you unhappy about? IT WAS APPROVED BEFORE WE ORDERED IT. UNLESS YOU PAY US BACK THE MONEY,YOU'RE NOT GONNA STOP ME FROM WEARING IT. the only consideration i have is not to get him in the trouble. realli realli touched by these teachers who realli realli understand. but my childish side says that i should still wear and show him the approval slip. THE CLASS TEE MEANS A LOT. maybe not to everyone, but at least a bunch of us, i'm sure. DAMN YOU.

in case anyone is thinking of ways to threaten to sue me with this post, you are not finding any form of slander here. =D

this whole chain of stuff is making me very dishearted. say i'm childish, for all you want. I STILL AM A CHILD. i dunno whether i've realli grown up, or am i just forcing myself to, but most of the time, i try my best to take a balanced view. but, ultimately, there will still be times when i can or wanted to get extremely childish and unreasonable. i'm not infallible. and it does not help when i keep on getting the feeling that i'm the only one trying my best to understand the other side.

maybe its the amount of dramas i watched. and the weird thing about me is, i don't take in everything. i'll analyse what i've seen and put it in real life. to an extent, it also make me less trusting and more suspicious everytime. perhaps that is why i prefer to hide my true emotions as well, for various reasons. and sometimes, when i look at some of my friends, i wonder why they can be so... human? or natural? HAHA nvm i dunno what i'm saying.

or maybe it's the environment i grew up in. although i stay in a guardian's hse, i'm no astray kid because i have a good guardian eyeing on me. HAHA sounds weird but nvm. i love my family. but we never told each other that. sometimes when i think about how we push the good food to each other by saying that we're too full or things like that, i realli feel lik laughing. LOL. ya, smiling now. i don't grow up in what is called the "hugging family". we care, but we don't show each other. maybe is because i grew up in my guardian's house, and my mother only have time to scold me in attempt to make sure i behave whenever she comes over, my family is not close. both my sis and i are closer to my guardian. maybe because that it why, i always feel weird showing my gratitude and feelings to people.

and i realised, being able to reason well and maturely is important, as it is the only way to overcome the fact that the loudest wins in my family. with reason, i will not be intimidated by the way people shouts at me, because i know i'm on the winning end of the argument.

there's always two sides, or even a third, to the same thing. 1:25 AM
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ok sun and mon was mug again lar... sun with zhenghui n mon alone... ok, have not been very productive... SERIES AND SEQUENCES IS KILLIING MY MOTIVATION!!! most prob skippin it tml ler... mock on fri sia... damn

today hang ard aftersch to wait for aaron and yf... lol n happy birthday to yf! went to eat fish n co lar, eat till i damn damn full =s... wasted quite a lot of food though they got help mi makan some =s... maybe cos haven been eatin much recently... left to mug, but still, not productive at all... very uncomfortable =s

and hey, u dun tell mi u're sad and disappointed and tell mi dun reply k? ppl will worry de, though is cos u wanna slp lar

and VANEE!!! girl ar take good care of urself hor! muacks!

well, not been catchin up with 斗牛要不要, cos i always watch perfect cut till 11, den i'll be too tired... actually, wanted to go slp now ler also, but since i wanna charge my phone...

anyway, 球爱大战 is... erm, ok show... got watch no watch no difference... can predict the story le, even just by watchin bits and pieces here and thr... storyline is very similar to others... but perfect cut is not bad, though also can predict the end + the pace a bit weird (sometimes too slow sometimes too fast), but the outline of the show is quite new and it is quite meaningful... the controversy about whether going under a knife makes a difference to the soul psychologically, about truth and pretence, white lies, as well as the focus in life, and that undeniable fact that looks DOES matters, to a certain extent, but character is still as important... ok, no GP here... haha suddenly rmb wat wingkin told mi last yr... a girl, no matter how pretty, people will get sick of the looks after a while... it's the character that really matters... LOL not bad sia, but still tt doesn't mean that he is forgiven for always wastin food =s...

Oh and, the theme song for perfect cut is nice!!! 石欣卉-我知道我变漂亮了! very meaningful lol... and xinhuey is the composer for the song, both lyrics and music! haha came to me as a surprise... i guess is cos i didn't really liked her hit frm her 1st album, the one she played a role as one of the composers for the lyrics... not to say it's bad, it actually ok bt mi erm, is just dun like the MV? HAHA =x i mean, ya have to say it's suitable for the song, but, haiz nvm... WHO CAN HELP ME FIND THE FULL SONG???

过去的批评嘲讽 Let it go Let it go
过去的轻蔑冷落 Let it go Let it go
有些人口不饶人
却忘了瞧瞧自己 又有什么资格

时刻都善良待人 Let’s move on Let’s move on
时刻都做好本分 Let’s move on Let’s move on
有些人心思浅薄
绝不是宽容 自暴自弃的理由

也许 确实也受过言语打击
也许 从来也没什么好际遇
千万别将勇气深锁在阴影里
我们又不会妨碍这世界继续美丽

我知道我变漂亮了 我知道我被注意了
曾难过 曾失落 微笑一下就过
外在的美貌容易戳破
内在的美好细水长流

我知道我变漂亮了 我知道我也豁达了
不自卑 不埋怨 就算还差一点点
用内涵弥补一切缺陷
内在的美 迷住每个人的眼 12:44 AM
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wed stayed back at si and ch for eclub election... my batch de onli mi aaron and jinhui go... and tt girl was late lar!!! LOL... wah i tink the results more or less out ler lar... who can make it and who cannot... den had dinner with aaron and yf before goin up to aaron's hse... they playin, i muggin, with bell and tess lol... and they showed me a few very classic video... and i realised, jyians, we're actually very good students... THEY WERE MORE HAVOC...

thur and fri forced myself back to the intense muggin mode, yw was thr on fri, but he was at the 3rd floor... today settled some stuff before goin to mug again... got my pay! haha... end up i reached lib at 4+ -_-... khaim, justin and shiyun was oready thr haha...

recently have not been very productive... dunno issit cos i keep on findin certain things hard, and it becomes a little demoralising... and the fact that i'm not follow my revision plan well... damnit

Study Plans:
Week 4: Finish Maths Revision Exercise Book 1, finish revising for Quantum 1 & 2, Laser, Nuclear test
Week 5: Strengthen concepts on Inorganic Chem, Finish Maths Revision Exercise Book 2, Finish Reading the whole of Great Expectations, Revise Othello and Poetry
Week 6: Finish revision for Physics
Week 7: Finish Reading the whole of Great Expectations, Revise Othello and Poetry, Look thru J2 content notes

Meanwhile: Finish Chemistry Revision Package before the teachers go through, and finish a set of 101 every single week, consultation for GP and literature

WEEK 8 & 9: PRELIMS

Week 10: take two day's break, and continue, come up with new study plan

anyway, hooked up by 3 dramas lately... 球爱大战，一切完美，斗牛要不要... haha for me to watch after a day's muggin... i mean, i need some life also rite? HAHA...

the higher you climb, the greater you fear, and the greater you fear, the most likely you'll tumble... this applies to me... i'm not those type who can look down and become more and more confident as they cover more vertical distance... i'm those type who fears the height as i look down... and thus, as i look back, i might tumble down again...

been quite long since i last felt tis fear... lack of competition? haha too slack ler... now... it comes back... and yes, i know i need to do better...

quite long since i last photoblog... but once in a while, for my loves =D

26th march, dinner with kaiying vanee jiahao

12th june at hooters, celebrates claud's birthday

informal shot =D

5th july at kaiying's hse, vanee's birthday

the same order a year ago!

2nd shot!

HAHA all who went

Close-up

Bytches!!!

loves =D. anyway, i look weird.

random remark: bingbing and tingting are so cute la!

11:08 PM
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right, i know it's late. but since i JUST had dinner...

main thing last week: "wanted" with grace, vanee's and yf's birthday

mugged... mon alone, tue grace joined mi in evening, wed with grace and ser, thurs alone...

fri... went to orchard with grace! haha we shopped ard and went to the food fest!!! tried some of the food, and can realli tell the difference for some! so much nicer!!! went to search for the dress lydia was talkin abt... not bad, quite nice, and its realli ok for most occasion LOL... watched wanted!!! HAHA not bad la, bt a bit disappointin, ending a bit lame... ate at the la mian shop den shopped ard a bit more b4 headin home

sat... VANEE'S BIRTHDAY!!! ok, finally we're celebratin birthday =x. ok tis will be a more detailed one... so, me, the "cake" bearer, arrived a ky hse, a bit late =x... stoned thr, all the while bytchin about mm, that "daybreak" girl =x... ok, i'm afraid i'll be sued... played with ky's hamster, saw it roll ard in its ball... den dunno who(maybe its me) suddenly mention abt the basketball in jian gui 10... and tt jiahao was lik, ltr u see inside no hamster-_-... finally, yaoyao goh arrived, and 6 of us + jiahao went down for the food 1st (ps amd tm was very late)... WOO a spread! fried rice, stingray, chicken, kangkong, lala, hotplate tofu, and fried youtiao(?)!!! HAHA! den we girls starts to get high... discussin guys... too bad i nv seen bryan lar! LOl heard tt he is quite good lookin... and somemore, he's our age! LOL... haha den we went back up and brought out the cake! blackforest!!! HAHA anyway, while singing the birthday song, ivy and i mentioned a very beloved nickname of hers, in front of zhaohui and guys... LOL and her expression was immediately sian diao! LOL... and tt poor girl was made to hold that cake and become our model... so yada, cut cake, eat cake... LOL thanks to tm jh and ps, vanee face tio whip cream =x... which they cautiously saved for that precious moment... WOO den thr's more phototakin session... "7 princess" =x=x=x... we stood exactly how we did in raffles after our pitstop outin last yr... see the change!!! HAHA... slacked awhile, den headed home... and the worse thing... on the way home, we were talkin about zhaohui, who was like, 3 yrs younger den us? LOL =x

sun, mugged, alone lol...

mon... went out with yf to celebrate his birthday(which is lik a week later)... and tt stupid idiot was late... ok so plan change, when to kbox instead... which i tink, he enjoyed more, cos he didn't seem to realli wan to watch that movie... lol den thr's the traffic light thing... LOL supposed to take pictures thr, den end up he ps mi-_- so i'm the onli one in the photo-_-... ok den we went to the la mian shop, and we saw men in women's clothing... well he was the one who noticed, since he sat facin them, but... ARGH! i felt very... mm... gross... after he told mi abt it... =s... nvm... i tink i'm not open minded enough... headed home...

ok, went home early frm muggin today... =s

took back maths and chem... 50/60 and 70/120... LOL 50/60 is obviously for maths... my best sub, as always... actually, i'm satisfied with my results, but not contented... improved a lot, certainly, hard work paid off or wateva u call it... after a whole year plus of slpin in lect and tut, yep... but still, i noe i could have done better... careless mistakes alone, took away dunno how many donkey marks...

at first when i 1st heard tt aaron got A for chem, i was surprised la, though i noe he chem pro but miss chew was tellin us tt few ppl scare for that test... den i realised, i need 14 more marks only for A (i'm D now), which can easily be obtained if not for my carelessness... and wat abt those topics i had to give up due to extremely poor time management? this test, after lookin thru it a 2nd time, is a considerably easy one... realli need to work harder

i used to tell myself, actually i can score better, but i dun have time to finish the paper or i was too careless... but not an excuse... everyone is given the same amount of time.. why can the rest complete it but i cannot? why can the rest be more careful but i cannot? i'm just not used to the questions, that's why i'm slow, and when i rush through, i get careless... it's like, the person can give me more time and i can of course score better after i complete the work, but given the same time, those who can complete the paper long ago, would have finish checking through a few times and eliminate all the careless mistakes...

need to work harder

anyway, i might change my revision plan... very unrealistic, i realised 1:21 AM
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ying ming aka cabbage/veggie/veg/cai/cat
18
8th Oct 1990
libra
veggie-caBB bytch of bytch clan

piano!!!
3E'05 chalet
mahjong
no quarrels
sing!!!
buy all the nice books
slim down =s
dance
keep in contact
new clothes, bags, shoes, accessories =x
tuition jobs


A* alyssa~andrew
B* bernard
C* candy~ceyu~chunsern~claudia
D* dickson
E* emerson~esther
F* fangming
G* glennda
H* helga
I* ivy~ivyt
J* jannifer~jiahao(blogspot)~jiahao(xanga)~jianfu~jiaying~jinhwee~jinyi~junyong~juenkeat
K* kaiying~kamin~ken~kerina~kokleong
L* leongaik~leslie~limying
M* maybellina~meilingjie(msteo)~michelle~mindy~mrchuarc
N* natalie
P* pearlyn~peishan
R* radzuan~renwei
S* sandy~sayhoe~seokhui~shijie~shuqi~shuhui
T* tingwei~tiongmeng~tommy~tommy(jj)
V* valerie~vanessa
W* wanyee~weeleong(blog163)~weeleong(blogspot)~wingkin
X* xinyi~xuanqi
Y* yensze~yingling~yitan~yunfan
Z* zhangfan~zhihao

Others*
=> TC club
=> Lesvy love blog(Leslie + Ivy)
=> 07S25
=> Mrs Ho-Lau's Tian Kong
=> Xia Xue

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|Noonie|
|gHina|
|photobucket|
|blogger|

+It's funny why '
+thinking of those happy times with you '
+brings me tears. '
+And it's funny why '
+thinking of those times we argued '
+brings me laughters. '

.w.e. .a.l.w.a.y.s. .l.o.o.k. .b.a.c.k. .a.n.d. .s.i.g.n.
.t.h.a.t. .w.e. .h.a.d. .f.a.i.l. .t.o. .t.r.e.a.s.u.r.e.
.t.h.e. .p.a.s.t.
.a.n.d. .w.i.s.h.e.d. .t.h.a.t. .w.e. .c.a.n. .g.o. .b.a.c.k.
.t.o. .h.o.w. .t.h.i.n.g.s. .u.s.e.d. .t.o. .b.e.
.t.h.a.t. .i.s. .w.h.y. .w.e. .n.e.v.e.r. .t.r.e.a.s.u.r.e.
.w.h.a.t. .w.e. .h.a.v.e. .n.o.w.
.a.n.d. .o.n.l.y. s.i.g.n. .w.h.e.n. .i.t. .i.s. .g.o.n.e.
.n.e.v.e.r. .t.o. .r.e.t.u.r.n.

____when_we_were_young______
__we_want_ to_grow_older__
_now_that_we_have_grown_up___
_____we_want_to_go_back___
_to_how_things_were_________
______when_we_were_young_