actions have implications

it had more den i culd've imagined...

if onli it was confirmed earlier... then this wun have happened...

if onli i can dun be so confused... den it wun have happened...

and now everyone is so trapped by it...

i tink u can understand

i'm the one at fault, stop taking everything on yourself

i know how u feel

and i'm sure u noe how i feel too

bt, nth will make any difference anymore 11:15 AM
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nth much...

mon... phy test... 23marks blank... happen to meet aaron on the bus, so we had dinner together... tt's when we realised we're so alike, to the scary extent tt we can read each other's mind =s...

tue... phone spoilt-_-... used grace's phone... went back to jys to take photo for the jyian wall... LOL mrs hon forgotten the appointment... in the end was very late... settled the stuff, chatted with aaron and yf, den had dinner with aaron... borrowed his uncle's phone from him and used his instead...

wed... talentime... haha guess i was still ok, though i nv got in, cos i nv walk tune LOL... cca, den dine with yf and aaron... chatted...

thurs... maths test... more than half blank... chem spa trial... totally nv write part C and D... cfm + chop "wun" die... helped out in cookie hse... aaron was damn pissed... had dinner with him, yf, vivien, eeseng, jinhwee, zhiwei, william...

just now... had movie with yt, fm and yd... well, not a bad movie if u appreciate creativity =x... hung ard at cookie hse, den had dinner with aaron and pamela.. yf joined us ltr for a while...

confused... totally... i really really feel like runnin away... 11:19 PM
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tutored... tutored yf's kid as well... wanted to study... got myself fed up... studied with sinhou, jinhwee, zhiwei, eeseng, jolin and her sis... saw renwei + weixiang and ken + bernard... lol joined ken and bernard for a while and all the while we were discussing about literature... turns out tt bernard is a great fan of shakespeare ;p... dine, home...

the dependence is thr... tt's y i dun lik to depend on anyone... esp one tt i noe i can nv find when i need the comfort... i dun wan to allow myself to indulge in it such tt i can't live properly without it... and, it's just not it... mistake...

politics is makin mi feel very tired...

no mood for phy 10:14 PM
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(this portion was typed on mon)

here, cos i realli need to rant

sun... tutored... zhanzong improved alot, which is quite heartenin... bought yf to shuqi's hse to tutor weixin, and well, he's not bad as a tutor... though tink he needs more experience... lunched, studied... sth happened... haha den yf was playin psp and i was so amazed by it tt i watched on... the graphics are lik, quite gruesome, and i dun understand y the guys say they feel shiok to see the head drop down =s... looks fun though... had dinner, and went walk walk... yanzi and i was attracted by a lot of things along the way... play n play, den went home

today... stayed in sch... helped out at cookie hse 1st, den studied... yf and gang left earlier, while i stayed on with xiao yang...

ys told mi tt she is leavin today... and i realli realli hope he was not serious.
it's lik, i noe y she wan to leave, i tink she shld leave, i noe she will onli be happier if she leaves.
but i hate it cos she didn't tell ani of us. and i cnt bear her leavin.
bought ferrero rocher. she likes it. wanted to give it to her. too late. she left.
she didn't say goodbye or anitin, not even when she saw us.
perhaps she dun wan us to noe, she tot we'll just forget her sumday or sth b4 we walk pass the realise tt her seat is occupied by someone else or left vacant.
cried. culdn't help it. cos i didn't wan to cry in front of xy. but i still did.
will miss her. and will i get to see her again?
i dunno. i tink i just sucks at lettin go.

(end)

well, aniway it was a misunderstanding... aniway, aniway...

tue... stayed in sch and waited for yf... wanted to study, but he culdn't... went off wit him n zy... we went up to zy hse 1st and WAH... HIS HSE IS DAMN COOL LAR! combination of 2 3-rm flats leh!!! WOOT! LOL... aniway, we had dinner, and chatted... exchanged a lot... went home, and met up with candy for a while... she was with penghwee, and i'm glad he was thr...

wed... HAHA officially joined BU4... lol... able to communicate with them... realli very nice ppl HAHA... but the juniors... they're brave la... just hope tt they can make it? LOL... ended, joined vivien and guys... didn't study much though LOL... headed home soon, with vivien acc-ing me! LOL so nice!

thurs... chem spa trail... great... i mixed up the ester with ketone, and i didn't realised till i finished writin my plans and procedure... WOOT! damn high lar! sian... realli dunno wat i was doin leh... AND I WAS THE ONE WHO TOLD THE REST WAT WILL MOST LIKELY BE TESTED... haiz... stayed on with vivien and guys while waitin for tt idiot... WHO NV TOLD ME HE HAD DANCE AFTERTT... lol fine... wanted to study but was too drained and tired, so i was just slpin... had dinner with aaron and chatted... HAHA realised actually we've got quite a lot in common nia LOL...

fri... helped out in cookie hse and sizzlin ice with aaron pamela and yifang... HAHA aftertt aaron pamela and i stayed on and chat... aaron and i was tinkin whether we shld wait for tt idiot in the end the 3 of us went off to have our dinner... haha acc aaron back b4 i walked home...

today... tutored, went to my guardian's hse... haha told her a lot of stuff... and as we are scrapin the paint off her storeroom door which revealed the previous layers, we chatted abt the times when i was stayin thr... good memories... when i was young and childish and stupid... jp, home

well, what can i say?

a lot had happened recently... both good and bad... or shld i sae, it's both sides to the same thing...

Politics... the fav topic between aaron and mi... no matter how much i hate it, involvement is inevitable... the main challenge is how to do it such tt u stay out of trouble and yet everyone will be happy enough... well, my main principle is this: u dun try to give my trouble lik makin mi become responsible for sth u've done, i'll have no trouble with u... but if u choose to give mi trouble, i'll make sure it turns back on u... evil? well, i'll choose not to as long as u dun push mi

well, was disappointed... but at least, it's over ler... glad...

been quite some time since i last seen her smile liddat... she always had the burdened look on her face, but last fri when i saw her, she looks so carefree... maybe it's cos she just nice free on tt day bah... or cos of the breakin off? haha she joked tt maybe she wun be able to break off, cos it seems lik she was already married to it... and i suddenly felt a pang of tears... i realli hope she wun, bt if she's happier liddat, i tink it's good... take care...

coincidences... i just realised their birthday falls on the same day! and i found them so alike... omg... and the same thing happened...

and the revealed... wat can i say? i didn't expect the confirmation... i just wanted to say wat's inside when it wun feel stressful... didn't expect response... and now, it's makin mi more confused... of cos, i feel nice, deep inside? but yet, thr's so much i'm worried abt... perhaps cos of past experience... well mayeb i just worry too much...

i feel the dependence... when i heard the news and wanted to cry... i tot of tt person, who was not ard... wanted very much to go and find tt person and cry thr, in fact i almost did, but stopped myself... in the end, i still did, but tt was a day ltr, after i wasn't feelin tt bad... and it was not good... i dun ever wanna be dependent on, dun wanna be weak infront of tt person... confused...

--I Need a Nap--

1:00 AM
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Sunday, April 06, 2008

sry, i noe was slackin abt bloggin

last last wed, showed my face for a while durin cca, den rushed down to queensway to get the og shirt thing settled... haiz just hope that things wil be ok... as i was headin back, i tried doin homework on the bus and felt a bit nauseous aftertt... =s... so i begun listenin to songs and i realise the mass dance songs was a good remedy for it! LOL... den... HAD DINNER WITH VANEE KAIYING AND JIAHAO!!! HAHA!!!and thruout it all, i was laughing and laughing uncontrollably... LOL felt realli blessed... the food was great, the price was low, and the company was good... realli released a lot of troubles when i was with them... felt so great... well, some things just dun realli change... HAHA...

thurs... CDAYL nite... didn't wanted to go... so was studyin with duc, till we saw them clearin up and went to help out a little... den duc left, while i helped the food com prep food for the campers... and i never realised that food com can be fun too! LOL! happened to meet waitsz, yenyu and xiaoyang cos of it... aniway, was very upset abt certain things, wanted to check things out, yet got ourselves involved in the nite... muneeb was thr too... LOL OG 29!... well, danced... anyway, i actually teared durin the emo part, which was led by mr chua... well, mixed feelings...

haha, mixed feelins... sumtyms i wonder wat's wrong... from the moment O2 began... den i realised... thr is a lack of concern and understanding for each other... tt's y he can play handphone games while the others are workin hard... tt's y he can dun care if the other person have eaten and just offer the food to someone who already had two helpings of the food... tt's why both of them didn't realised that none of them is terribly wrong, for they're both just tryin to do their work well... tt's y he, who have eaten and is off duty, can take and eat the food, which he was tasked to deliver to someone who have not eaten, and was still workin very very hard, and be dishonest about it... tt's y he can refuse to care about people whose life he is supposed to be responsible for... tt's y he can pretend to be the best and dun give a damn to the message the others passed down... tt's y speakers have a tough job due to the lack of response and support frm them... tt's y they can backstab each other

tt's y, tt's y

so i realli realli wonder what has went wrong... our fault? perhaps... our lack of guidance, and our lack of ability, to let them have a stronger sense of belonging, to make them join for the passion instead of the honour, to bond them together... lack of experience? perhaps... thus they dunno the expectations... lack of time? perhaps... so they weren't able to know each other well enough and build up the relationship with each other...

well, wat can i say? wat can i do?

well, i'm not even in good enough position to say anitin, a lot which i wan to sae, and so regret that i didn't

well... it's too early to say anitin now, aniway... at least, they are more enthu

fri... helped out at cookie hse aftersch... sebastian came back and help... sry bt i didn't recognise him, till he said his name... onli den i rmbed abt him LOL... any tt guy's realli funny, and well, inexperienced... good tt song sue and i was thr... LOL...

sat... went funorama... HAHA was damn early cos i wanted to leave early... but yf culdn't make it so i decided to go later and stay thruout... supposed to meet at 1.45, bouna vista... i reached thr at 1... LOL anyway was with eunice(saw her at bus stop) so acc her to dohtby guaut and catch up a little with her before takin the train back again... and was still early LOL... aniway, went thr, with ah gong, ruiyu, zhangfan n chenchen... met helga and steffi, saw da and his gf LOL... den mi, helga, steffi ahgong and ruiyu went to the doll hse... well, spent lik, 2 hrs + queuin up for it? chenchen and zf left 1st... haha hmm... not realli scary la... ruiyu was very funny... sum "doll" was tryin to grab his leg... he asked who was it cos he tot tt ppl too scared den go grab LOL... we also tot so when he said tt till someone grabbed ours... den cos we walkin in the dark and cnt realli see... he stepped on sth and he tot it was someone's leg... but aftertt we realised it's most likely one of the "dolls' " hand... LOL... spent the rest of the tics, den walked a long way tryin to find some food to eat (helga left us)... walk walk walk all the way, den decided to take bus to tiongbahru... nice dinner =D

sun went tutorin 1st, den slacked at my guardian's hse... den to my amazement, tt idiot told mi he was studyin o.O... went over to je, whr i met jinhwee vivian zhiwei eeseng sinhou... HAHA interestin clique of ppl to hang out wit LOL... spent sumtym lookin for place to have dinner LOL...

mon... things happened, causin mi to lose my cool... well, i can be fine with anitin, but dun take advantage of it... thr's a limit... aniway helped out with sizzlin ice aftertt... wah i was realli noob lor... aaron was thr too... so aftertt, headed together, and chatted abt a lot of things, abt things i didn't noe...

tue helped out at sizzlin ice again b4 goin to meet idiot and jinhwee at jp lib... went, saw yaoyao, ivy and huizhen thr too... met tis girl called jo-lin... studied, den idiot and i went for dinner... chatted, and realised sumthings is more than wat i tot it was...

wed went cca... HAHA had fun showin my face =x... wanted to go to queensway, but culdn't get the confirmation for the shirt =s... so studied with duc in sch... wenjie and xiaoyang joined us ltr... studied and aftertt, went to have dinner with duc... HAHA was so tired... duc said i looked lik i can fall aslp anytym HAHA

thurs... helped out at sizzling ice before studyin with idiot... got to noe a VERY shockin news, which i cnt disclose here, frm dejun and guys... got SO DAMN worried... HAIZ... studied, den thr was a bit of probs sharin with jh... well, life... got packed food and went home as it was very late already...

ytd... helped out at sizzlin ice... HAHA aaron was thr too... had lunch wit him den went to watch him play basketball with yf and his classmates... shangzhi joined as well.. haha quite nice la, of cos not as good compared to my classmates, out of which 3 guys are frm the bball team and angela, whose skills is better den general guys... but still, quite nice to watch... stayed on, chatted a bit with jinhwee and guys, den join aaron and felix for their chat... aaron and i continued after felix left, and realised we actually share similar tots abt several issues... it was nice chattin with him, and this time we didn't just chatted abt one thing... den yf came out, and we had dinner together...

tis mornin, finished my bleach and started on naruto... cooked lunch, tutor, slacked at my guardian's hse, get home... end...

just realised i forgot to blog abt celebratin mama hon's birthday, on 5th of march... mad rush back to jyss, bought cake, wrote card, and made it in time (before 3. she wanted to get home early.)... present with mama hon: mi, yao, vanee, edwin, cs, dickee, and yw, who left early. woo! lit the candle, sang the song, ate the cake. chatted, all the way till 4+... abt mas selamat, future path, and lives... HAHA kinda miss it... den as usual, we crapped abt wat happened here and thr... the gathering was short, bt the moment was captured... =D

haiz... a lot happened... i realised, i've quite forgotten the feelin... tt's y i didn't understand... his story sounds lik mine in the past... and yet i fail to see it... and my regrets for not doin it well... my last project in jyss... perhaps tt's y my juniors are liddat... haiz... and also the regrets for the failure in O1... though the regret for O1 was not realli that strong as compare to when i was in jyss... and my failure have implications... sth i've always been worry about, because it affects the life of others... a lot of ppl said i did well... but i noe it weren't the best, a lot culd've been prevented, a lot more culd've accomplished... he is doin all these because he dun wan the efforts to go down the drain... and i noe how it feels when it does... but i didn't tot of it b4... abt wat he is facin rite now...

and the trouble caused by it... if it causes such troubles, i dun see the point in it anymore... is it so hard to take a step back? and y push the responsibility ard... if u wan to talk, den u jolly well walk ur talk... if u dun wan to contribute, why talk so much? wat was the meanin of it in the 1st place? if it is causin all tis trouble, hasn't its meanin be defeated already? den y do we stil need it? disappointed... perhaps i realli shldn't care abt it...

and sumtyms u dun realli noe if ppl ard u noe wat u tink... sth one of my junior is also experiencin rite now... and ppl, it's either u tell the person u dislike them and why or u make sure they dun find out... dun tink tt ppl dun sae anitin means they dunno anitin... u dun have to make eyes at each other when tt person is talkin... and u tink the person wun see... well, well...

i noe tt ppl dun realli hate, but they dun accept some ppl's way of doin things... i'm guilty of it too... but well, once dislikin a certain attribute of a person becomes dislikin a person totally, it's different and it hurts... esp when it's frm the ppl u realli care abt and regard as ur friend...

i guess aaron is rite... ppl can be friends, but workin together changes things...

--I Need a Nap--

1:07 AM
______________________________________________________

ying ming aka cabbage/veggie/veg/cai/cat
18
8th Oct 1990
libra
veggie-caBB bytch of bytch clan

piano!!!
3E'05 chalet
mahjong
no quarrels
sing!!!
buy all the nice books
slim down =s
dance
keep in contact
new clothes, bags, shoes, accessories =x
tuition jobs


A* alyssa~andrew
B* bernard
C* candy~ceyu~chunsern~claudia
D* dickson
E* emerson~esther
F* fangming
G* glennda
H* helga
I* ivy~ivyt
J* jannifer~jiahao(blogspot)~jiahao(xanga)~jianfu~jiaying~jinhwee~jinyi~junyong~juenkeat
K* kaiying~kamin~ken~kerina~kokleong
L* leongaik~leslie~limying
M* maybellina~meilingjie(msteo)~michelle~mindy~mrchuarc
N* natalie
P* pearlyn~peishan
R* radzuan~renwei
S* sandy~sayhoe~seokhui~shijie~shuqi~shuhui
T* tingwei~tiongmeng~tommy~tommy(jj)
V* valerie~vanessa
W* wanyee~weeleong(blog163)~weeleong(blogspot)~wingkin
X* xinyi~xuanqi
Y* yensze~yingling~yitan~yunfan
Z* zhangfan~zhihao

Others*
=> TC club
=> Lesvy love blog(Leslie + Ivy)
=> 07S25
=> Mrs Ho-Lau's Tian Kong
=> Xia Xue

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+It's funny why '
+thinking of those happy times with you '
+brings me tears. '
+And it's funny why '
+thinking of those times we argued '
+brings me laughters. '

.w.e. .a.l.w.a.y.s. .l.o.o.k. .b.a.c.k. .a.n.d. .s.i.g.n.
.t.h.a.t. .w.e. .h.a.d. .f.a.i.l. .t.o. .t.r.e.a.s.u.r.e.
.t.h.e. .p.a.s.t.
.a.n.d. .w.i.s.h.e.d. .t.h.a.t. .w.e. .c.a.n. .g.o. .b.a.c.k.
.t.o. .h.o.w. .t.h.i.n.g.s. .u.s.e.d. .t.o. .b.e.
.t.h.a.t. .i.s. .w.h.y. .w.e. .n.e.v.e.r. .t.r.e.a.s.u.r.e.
.w.h.a.t. .w.e. .h.a.v.e. .n.o.w.
.a.n.d. .o.n.l.y. s.i.g.n. .w.h.e.n. .i.t. .i.s. .g.o.n.e.
.n.e.v.e.r. .t.o. .r.e.t.u.r.n.

____when_we_were_young______
__we_want_ to_grow_older__
_now_that_we_have_grown_up___
_____we_want_to_go_back___
_to_how_things_were_________
______when_we_were_young_